Mrs. Right?

Well the New Year fast approaches, and with it a new year of school to further my education. I've got all my ducks lined up for paying for college; Federal grants, State need grants, money from my Indian tribe, Supplemental Security income to pay for living expenses...but still I need a part time evening job to pay for books and equipment supplies needed for studying electronics. I have my eye on a seasonal Christmas job with Radio Shack that might turn into a part time job during the school year, but nothing is set in stone yet. It would be good to work in an electronics store whilest studying electronics, but things hardly ever work out as I have planned. Like the old adage says: Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. If I don't get this Radio Shack job, I am going to go crawling back to those lousy Arabs with the print shop who never paid me on time and beg them for my job back. I hate to do it, but getting paid a week late at a time is better than not working and not getting paid at all! Don't worry about me though, I have no pride when it comes to money, we all need it, and desperate people do desperate things. I need the money to further my education so I can start a new career and get out of this lousy printing career that I got myself stuck in 27 years ago.

Whose the lovely lady, you ask? That's Olga from Kirov, Russia, and I'll tell you the story. Anna of a few blogs back, had written to me very emotional letters, always gushing with feeling, but never a thought about pragmatic reality. One day, after 4.5 months, the letters just stopped. No advance word of disappointment or disillusion, not even a letter goodbye. Nothing! It took me two weeks to realize she wasn't just gone on vacation, but gone for good. Thinking I ought to look closer to home for a girlfriend, I reactivated my AmericanSingles profile that Anna had found me on. I had 12 messages waiting for me that had been sent while I was writing to Anna. They were mostly outdated and all from Russian girls, so I mostly ignored them. I wrote to 20 or 30 local ladies here in the Pacific NW and not a single one even bothered to reply with a kind "get lost!" Olga wrote to me again and her bio purported her to be living in Issaquah, so I took a chance and wrote to her. Upon receiving her first letter I could tell from the syntax and grammer that she was Russian writing in English, but I thought she might actually live in Issaquah. It didn't take me long to realize that she was still in the Motherland, but I was pleased that she told me she had looked at my bio before signing up to write to me, and she wanted a chance to get to know me without my blowing her off because she wasn't local, but Russian. I could easily forgive her for misrepresenting herself, and decided that I would continue to write to her. Why not? I mean; Hell, American girls won't give me the time of day, and if I ask them what time is it, they give me the finger and tell me it's time to buy a watch, cheapskate! I've since then bought a watch, a pocket watch, so that I can always show my bare wrist and claim that I don't have the time when they decide to ask me the favor. Oh, and furthermore, I've stopped asking if that finger they gave me is an offer. Olga is a Lawyer and studying English at a University to become a translator, so she's smart and not just pretty. Lord knows my family could use a good lawyer in our household! My late father left me a small inheritence that is still on hold, though he died nearly 3 years ago. This week I signed and notorized the final paperwork to receive my inheritence; and when it arrives then Spring break just might find me in Kirov, Russia! Wish me all the luck in the world, I have a feeling I'm gonna need it.

My 15 minutes of Fame!

This image is created from the last Native vision I beheld in 1986. I had my first vision in 1980 before Mt. St. Helen's erupted. I had been haunted by a sphere of light bluish light that attacked me and gave me a vision of an ancient demon my ancestors called the "Sisiutl." Holding onto my faith in Jesus gave me the power to withstand the demonic possession of this Albino creature with two arms and hands that were like snakes. Thereafter I had one vision a year, always around the change of Spring to Summer. I didn't learn the meaning of my dreams and visions until I went to college and studied Native Mythology and the Psychology of Dr. Carl Jung. I had studied much in the way of his collected works as a dual major with my Graphic Arts degree. As I was sitting in my Psychology and literature class and debating with the professor(who strangely enough looked like Freud), I felt the odd sensation that preceeds a vision and my inner mind saw an image of a bright sphere of red light that came from both within and without. My mind erupted and my whole body began to glow red. The Professor thought I might be coming down with some sickness and he excused me from class. I walked two miles home in the rain and halfway home the rain stopped. I was still aglow and by the time I got home my clothes were completely dry. I was "burned out," from too much study and didn't return to college the next year. Trying to understand my vision, I had remebered reading Psychology and Alchemy by Dr. Jung, and his exposition on the Marrage of the Sun and Moon. Unable to find a job in printing, I wandered for a year and found myself homeless and involved in drugs; mostly marijuana and LSD. I noticed the blotter paper always had an image printed on it and I painted a mural in my mind of the images I ate. Haunted by the image of the sun in my vision I got an Idea in my head after star SN1987A in the Southern Cross went supernova, and I set out the very next day to find the chemycal sun. I found it almost immediately, like it was just waiting for me to come get it. After tasting 3% of it and sharing 1% each with three friends, I got a strange feeling of soap bubbles forming in my chest and I broke out with acne. People talked about me and mentioned my name as if I wasn't there. Fearing it might be somehow posionous, I couldn't rightly sell any or give anymore away, so I set it on fire and sent it back to the sky. I finally found a job in Alaska's fishing industry which was perfect for me to earn enough money to repay my college loans and get away from the life of drugs that was beginning to envelope me. Coming home after a six month contract in Alaska, I stayed with my Mother and jogged the 2.8 miles around Greenlake while practicing a form of Tai Bo and Tai Chi as streching exercizes. People still talked about me as if I wasn't there and it gave me an errie sensation that people knew all about my life that I was unaware of. One day, while watching MTV and performing my streching exercizes, I became aware I was warm again and an odd sensation came over me. I reached down to my abdomen and pulled my Chi out of my solar plexus. I glowed bright red and I could feel its warmth as I rolled it across my fingers and tossed it up and down like a yo-yo. Suddenly a shadow appeared in the TV, not on film and I heard a voice say; "there he is, he's ready. C'mon everybody let's all get ready!" Next thing I know the shadow raises it's arm and shouts at me: "C'mon America, blow us a kiss!" I launched my Chi right into the televison and the shadow disappeared to be replaced by my red chi flying all around while a bunch of legs from the knees down were shown on a busy sidwalk. The chi stopped and hovered in the middle of the TV and then suddenly dove straight into the TV. "Whoa! You caught me by suprise there!" announced Roger Rose, the MTV video jockey. He played another video and then came back on and said: "Come on Sonny, Mom just wants us to go home." Somehow he knew about me and I wondered if he was the Roger Rose from my 7th foster family the Rose's. That one instance of some sort of paranormal activity has led me from that day forward through a magical fantasy journey that continues to this day.

Dear Diary

I got a DUI a couple weeks ago and got arrested. I only had two beers in me but I pulled out of the gas station without my lights on and turned them on when I noticed that they were off. Just my luck, a patrol car was behind me and pulled me over for driving at night without my headlights on. The Officer could smell the beer on my breath and arrested me. I have already been to my first court appointment and applied for a Public Defender. I was ordered by the Judge to attend two AA meetings a week and to go to therapy for one year. I have stopped drinking and made it to the 12 day of sobriety, but the first four days were hell. It is now the morning after Halloween, 2006 and without alcohol to deaden my brain cells, my schizophrenia has come out of remission and my brain is hyperactive. I can only sleep three to four hours a night and I have terrible nightmares that wake me up. Being awake is not any better because I hallucinate constantly and do not know how to defend myself against the ghosts and demons that continually haunt me. My life seems to be like Halloween 365 days a year. I think I ought to commit myself to the rubber room and sit down and try to get some help in recovering, but it has only helped me but temporarily in the past. The ghosts even haunt me and torment me as I write this to myself. It is strange, but all the ghosts are spirits of people that I actually met in the past. Two of them, Paul and Hawa, were lovers that caught AIDS and haunt me because they want me to catch the disease and die like they did. One of the spirits is the ghost of my Junior High and High School sweetheart and I cannot fathom why she haunts me. This has been going on for 18 years now. I just wish it would end. I was under such duress once before like this in 1994 and tried to commit suicide with pills and alcohol and I was taken to the hospital to have my stomach pumped. Not fun. I don't know what else to do because my pills and meds are not effective against the demonic hallucinations anymore. I read the Bible daily and pray, but God has abandoned me and left me to fend for myself. I am at my wits end, I am at the end of the rope and I cannot hold on much longer. Goodbye cruel world.